Fear.

Strange how in that melancholy moment there seems to be so much emotion flowing
Words: adjectives and verbs seem to be pouring out not to mention nouns
Which keep me pinned to labels I’m not even sure are adequate
But damn if I don’t fit the definition
Yeah it’s strange what defines a person.
Language holds so much influence
But it’s not the sole presence
No, there’s no star of the show
Abstractions takeover in the form of feelings
Experience is one of the keys
To unlock those layers; what we call growing up.

Life is one big stage
Constantly performing roles
We feel pressured to play
Social constructs constructing reality
Shift context, they mean nothing
And you’re left staring blankly
Into empty seats

Role reversals
Walk a mile in their shoes
And tell me it doesn’t hurt
If the tree falls but you’re not there
Does the sound of death
Still reverberate?
Does the striking silence slice
Lacerations into heart tissue
That just can’t take it
Do you bleed for your beliefs?

Would you feel relief if
All this were to end in nothingness
Just abyss like when you sleep
Falling of that precipice
Slowly rolling off a cliff
Crossing the boundary
Onto the other side of consciousness
Crossing boarders
Where memories aren’t meant to haunt us

Who can say were even human then?

Sunny Days Sweepin' The Clouds Away.

Brandon

Ink blots
Tic toc
Where has this spiral led me?
Climbing ventures
where time spent,
smudged on a weary descent
erased traces of my day.
in that melancholy way
a cloud marked nostalgia
drifted away.
Whirled in sight
light comes to pass
over the forgotten,
a heavy shadow it shall cast.

Only.

I only whispered
To keep you calm
Only agreed
So you wouldn’t feel wrong
Only smiled
So you wouldn't cry
Only

You inspire me
Ignite a spark
Desire
I
Me
Us?
We'll see
Hold my breath
Feel my heart
Pump pumping
Pump pumping
Pump pumping
Thunder loud
And thick like grey
Like a fog, like a blanket
Like a hot, muggy day.
You inspire me
Ignite a spark
I can feel the blood
Rush rushing
Rush rushing
Rush rushing
Steel smooth
and fast
You inspire me
To make it last.

I only screamed
So, you wouldn't care
Only soothed you
So you wouldn't fear
Only.

ramble.

Tell me what it’s like to feel sparks ignite
Inside those convex recesses we couldn't seem to find

Maybe didn't know were there
Maybe we didn't care.

Yeah tell me how you melted
Icy walls erected to deflect
Redirect
Simply reject
In order to protect.

But what is living without risks?
What is pleasure without pain?
What is time if not tricks on the mind?

Simply motivation to transcend
Self, spirit, substance.
Excel beyond limits

So you can mesh with Mother Nature herself.
Nestled in the bosom like a child frightened,
You feel the warm caress familiarness
That calms.
Soothes like a solve.
Solving problems

Transcendental functions
I do not derive from nothing
No zeros on my soul
In fact I multiply
Wherever it is I go.

Leave little imprints
On other people's essence
Etching marks into the earth
Fossilize, time capsulize
Til I live forever in little broken fragments,
Covering more ground then I ever could alive.

Yeah I glide.
Swift smoothing sailing
Into skylines stained pink
From the sunlight bleeding
Into atmosphere.


Fadeout and disappear

Pale Blue.

I stare out at the blue house
As the sunshine pale radiates
Bear branched trees stand proud
There is nothing to hide.
The sky a perfect back drop to this dreary winter day
A shade of gray so delicate like porcelain or clay
Blocking out the sun, draped heavy like the snow.
A mask with perforations, the street basks beneath its glow.
Slick gravel, coated with remains of winter
Squishes under tires, rolling through
Holding strangers heading nowhere
I sit staring, with nothing else to do.
Birds chirp, a conversation
going a mile a minute
A high pitch chatter and an encoded secret.
Skeletons of winter wither
As blue bleeds through the clouds
Gentle winds sway branches
Unashamed and well endowed
I sit here staring out
At the tin roof of the blue house
Reflections in the window
Show nothing but privacy
Mirror the outside
And stare right back at me
Two eyes, take in
What we deem the world
Process, analyse, over obsess
Two eyes take in
What we deem the world
Colored beautiful, an inspiration
Yet how easy it is
To destroy this creation
Paradoxes taunt us from every aspect
Trapped in prisms, so many facets
Take into consideration
We are united by loneliness
Birds chirp, bare branched trees stand tall
The pale sky illuminates ideas
In the form of green
Awed by all this beauty
Enamored with the unseen
An overwhelming power, a yearning to comprehend
An unwritten language to which there is no end
Yet here I sit... Two eyes
Take it all in

Wiggle.

There are caterpillars on the carpet
There are caterpillars on the carpet
And there’s a drone in my head
And the background noise goes
Tick tock tick tock hummm
And these blurred flowers got me screaming madness
Only my lips won’t open
You see the dangers of being sober
Are that one cannot expand the mind then freeze frame it
In so infinite a space in time
If that makes any sense; which it doesn’t
And there are caterpillars on the carpet by the dozens
And I’ve got these vines bringing me down intertwining and twisting round
Two lovers under the table blowing smoke in each other’s faces the way it happens in Alice in wonderland
And there is a stillness that is bliss
Pure peace ‘til someone’s voices calls to me
Lifts me up above and slowly I wiggle my frozen toes
And stir my rigid digits
You see I am everything here
But I am not me
And I rather prefer to keep it like this
Transcend, transcendence is it all utter nonsense?
I don’t know and I don’t wish to think anymore
Just caterpillars on the carpet and rose petals at the door
Got me floating seeing time like the volgons
A mountain range of simultaneous moments
Sweet memories that have me questioning what was I thinking
No, not that what was I thinking kind of retrospect
But that what was I actually thinking at that moment
You see, I weep for lost words
Mourn for their deaths because they will never return
And though I’ve only written one draft I’ve written hundreds and hundreds
And my heartstrings play like violins
Don’t weep I’m only being melodramatic
Seek solace in my solitude
Funny thing how humans equate this with the bathroom
Anyways there are caterpillars on the carpet
Caterpillars on the carpet and I am going back for tea.

untitled. short. story.

Words are just Words she said,
Words are just words.
Sticks and Stones he said,
sticks and stones.
Then why is it every inch hurts she said,
every single inch.
He stared.
She stared.
He cared.
She didn’t.
I hurt .
I know.
A lot.
I know.
How can you?
I just do.
She looked away.
He took a breath.
Help me she thought.
Help me he saw.
I could he said.
What she said?
I could.
She looked hard.
I could, help.
No she said and she let the tears come.
I could he said again, I know I could.
I don’t know she said, I just don’t know.
I do. I know one thing.
Only one she tried to joke but the words were muffled.
One thing he said again, so serious,
she had to turn away.
He took another breath,
one thing, I know, he said, is that I love you.
She turned so sharply she almost fell off the bed.
He exhaled and said I. Love. You.
And that’s the only thing I know. That’s the only thing I’m sure of. That’s the only thing that’s clear, that’s ever been clear for me.
She cried.
He watched.
She continued.
He moved closer.
I can’t take it he said.
Take what she said?
Seeing you in so much pain.
She cried harder.
I love you he said again.
She reached out her hand,
he took it in his, I can help you.
How?
Because I know what its like to feel unloved, to feel rejected, to feel like every inch hurts.
Words she said, Words there just words.
Words he said are just words unless you mean them.
She looked at him.
He looked at her.
Please she said, I need to know, your words, do you mean them?
Yes he said, with every inch of me, I mean them.
She shivered. Words she said.
Words he said.
And then he took her in his arms
And held her as close as he could.
She stopped crying.
He held her tighter.
She rested her head on his chest,
I love you he said.
I know she said.
I need you he said.
No she said, no. But you can have me.
He took his hand and turned her head to face him.
I will, he said, make every inch of you stop hurting.
Promise?
Promise.
He kissed her ever so softly,
They pulled away.
I’ll give them a chance.
Who a chance he said?
Words she said.
I’ll give them a second chance, because your words don’t hurt.
He kissed her tear-stained cheek, I love you.
I love you she said.

light at the end of the tunnel

Failed Fairytales

Words pierced my heart like sharp knives, shards of glass
Leaving unhealed scars that turn into cracks
Little openings that allow boredom to seep
Like a slime monster oozing through the smallest openings
Unstoppable.
It comes rushing in like a tidal wave
Crushing every barricade I’ve tried so hard to build
Smothering all your words or maybe not so much smother as fill
Fills up the hollow echoes that ring in my mind
The promises you made, forgot and somehow left behind
Like old toys turned yellow and torn, like old photographs faded and worn
It seems these sentences you string together are strictly for immediate pleasure
Just instant gratification so I’ll smile and shut my face
And you can go on with your day in the blissful silence you so desperately crave
The blissful silence with iron fists that keeps on pushing me away
Brainwashed or innocent like a small child who so ardently believes
I think
Love means everything
And I guess I want my fairytale ending
So I continue to lap up every word you tell me
Like a thirsty dog on a hot day
I drink every word, every syllable and every sound that you make
Take it all to heart
Forgetting every beating, every time I fell apart
And just believe
So eagerly so naïve
Every promise gets stuck and it seems to pile up
Like refuse on the sidewalk, like falling Tetrus blocks
I’m being bricked in
I guess I must be hidden
Cause you just don’t seem to see it.
You ask me, please consider my feelings
Not knowing how hard I try to make you feel good
Not knowing I would literally give my soul
If it’s what you needed
And all I need are more kisses
But even that just became an empty promise
Another broken toy, another faded photograph
So I smile and try to laugh
If only to numb the pain, to silence the voices
That tell me why do you stay?
To silence the din of every idea entertained
For only a moment before you let it slip away
And now I feel insane
Just used and confused on a rollercoaster ride that seems to be broken
Or maybe just ending so there are no more ups left for me
I love you and you love me but if its everything
Then why do I still feel so lonely
Why do I miss you when you’re sitting right next to me?
Why do I cry and think what about me
And here comes the insanity
Am I just being selfish and needy?
Do these things really matter?
What gives it true meaning?
I want love to just set me free
But somehow I’m stuck repeating
Certain ideas, moments that may be fleeting
But still hurt.

Have You Ever Been Down?

Have you ever been down?
A little pick me up?
Just a sniff and a pop.
Ahhhhh yes
Hit hit hit me hard.
Baby if I could keep you inside me forever
You know I would
You know I would.
I love the way you course through my veins
Heart beats faster,
Dilate dilate
You know I would keep you inside me forever.
It all seems so strange, so far away.
A fogginess that I can’t lift.
A moment that seems to drift.
It all seems so perfect through these eyes,
If only I could make them mine.
Forever forever.
Hit hit me
You know I would keep you inside me forever .
Hit me hard.

Spirals

For every strive upward
Theres a downward spiral
When I follow my heart
I ignore my head
A soul incomplete
And a mind empty
Voided of everything
If I hold dear
It disappears
So I got used to letting go
I’m far from home
And happy that way
A place to call my own
A place to stay
It doesn’t matter
When your thoughts have far gone
And drifted away
Every memory floating out there somewhere in the distance I thought I could spread my story
If I let every idea be a seed and glide upwards to the mountains, rain down in the valleys.
I never really shouted but I silently screamed. Left every impression I could, even when all it meant was a “---was here.” Scratched the name and the date, the time and the place, the hope and the filth
Combined, made me, break me, taste me, take me. I’m all yours, always was, always will be. Torture

Ever

Picture a room.
Paint the walls black
Take the ceiling off
So you can let the darkness in.
Board up the windows
But unlock the door
In case the moon decides to come down from the sky
In case you decide not to feel so alone
In case there might be someone.
Lay down a carpet
Make it a plush one
So when you’re lying on the floor
Crying your heart out
Your inner pain will be the only pain
The only pain you feel.
If you can call it feeling
If you can really call it anything, besides pathetic.
You’ve drained the bottle
It’s lying empty by your side
You still feel the numbness
Guess you tried to buy happiness one too many times.
Picture a room
With the walls painted black
The celing gone and the door unlocked
One last piece of hope.

Love

ADDICTED
ADDICT
Add
Drugs
Subtract Control
Lose Control
A.D.D.
ADDIcTED
To…
Happiness

Am

AM-
I am dilated pupils

Pin points, filtering out light.

Luminance’s, effervescence,

I am the smeared tear drop

Your finger crushed

As it flattened me against skin.

I am the skipped heartbeat

Static, breath, breathe.

I am your shallow thoughts

Keep thinking, remain calm.

Parted lips kissed parted lips,

Brushing softly against hairline fractures

Delicate like flower petals.

The wind blew me away

And I was blown away for good.

Across the tips of grass blades,

Across the wings of buzzing bumblebees,

Across the craters found in pebbles,

And the smoothness found on seeds.

I am ebbing I am flowing

I am a mountain

Just breathe.

I am the sea

I am the smell of fall

Catch your balance, please.

I am the smooth rings in trees

Reveal your age,

Secrets keep…